Love and Logic Parenting
03/23/2008 23:07
One of the people that I really admire at Frisco ISD
is the principal of Staley Middle School, Mr. Dennis
McDonald. I have seen the dedication that he has for
the students at Staley and the responsibility that he
feels (which is conveyed through all the staff at
Staley) about making sure middle school students are
equipped with the skills that they need to become
successful adults.
One of the foundational concepts that Mr. McDonald uses to help equip his middle school students with those skills is found in a philosophy called Love and Logic. This philosophy focuses on helping children both own and learn to solve the problems they create by facing the consequences of those problems. By doing this at a young age when consequences of failure are smaller and less painful (or at least less permanent), our children are better equipped to solve the larger problems adulthood will bring.
As a parent, this requires daily discipline on my part to make sure Mr. McDonald’s efforts really take root with our middle school daughter. When she decides to focus on her make-up and hair in the morning and thus runs out the door without her pre-AP Math homework, my natural inclination is to run it up to school at lunch so that she will have it in time for class. Love and Logic suggests otherwise. If I’m going to instill in her the importance of remembering to turn in her assignments, as parents we will be most successful if she takes a zero for failing to remember it.
At the end of this last six weeks, we promised our daughter a new cell phone if she pulled all A’s on her report card. This new phone is something she desperately wanted. And when the report card came home with all A’s and two B’s (an 88 and an 89), we were able to look back on the Home Access grades to determine which assignments could have been turned in, but were missed, in both of her classes with B’s.
As a parent, could I have made sure those assignments were turned in and thus granted her an “all A” report card. Probably. Am I risking her chances of getting into a really good college by letting her have these small failures that result in a B vs. an A? Maybe. But since I probably won’t be with her as she leaves her college dorm room in the morning to make sure her homework is complete and turned in, I hope by allowing her these small failures now and showing her the real consequences of those failures, she will be more likely to succeed on her own when the consequences are much higher.
One of the foundational concepts that Mr. McDonald uses to help equip his middle school students with those skills is found in a philosophy called Love and Logic. This philosophy focuses on helping children both own and learn to solve the problems they create by facing the consequences of those problems. By doing this at a young age when consequences of failure are smaller and less painful (or at least less permanent), our children are better equipped to solve the larger problems adulthood will bring.
As a parent, this requires daily discipline on my part to make sure Mr. McDonald’s efforts really take root with our middle school daughter. When she decides to focus on her make-up and hair in the morning and thus runs out the door without her pre-AP Math homework, my natural inclination is to run it up to school at lunch so that she will have it in time for class. Love and Logic suggests otherwise. If I’m going to instill in her the importance of remembering to turn in her assignments, as parents we will be most successful if she takes a zero for failing to remember it.
At the end of this last six weeks, we promised our daughter a new cell phone if she pulled all A’s on her report card. This new phone is something she desperately wanted. And when the report card came home with all A’s and two B’s (an 88 and an 89), we were able to look back on the Home Access grades to determine which assignments could have been turned in, but were missed, in both of her classes with B’s.
As a parent, could I have made sure those assignments were turned in and thus granted her an “all A” report card. Probably. Am I risking her chances of getting into a really good college by letting her have these small failures that result in a B vs. an A? Maybe. But since I probably won’t be with her as she leaves her college dorm room in the morning to make sure her homework is complete and turned in, I hope by allowing her these small failures now and showing her the real consequences of those failures, she will be more likely to succeed on her own when the consequences are much higher.